*Your Band Totally Sucks (*Note to self)
Words and Music by John Compton
You know I think you are a cool dude,
and I know I sound like a dick and am being totally rude
but I have to speak my mind and be perfectly clear
that the music you are playing is offensive to my ears
trite, incomplete and generally lacking in depth
your voice is thin – you sound like you’re running out of breath
your take is contrived, obvious and basically not well done
Your band is a cover – of a cover – of an imitation
What you need to do is just loosen up
expand your influences and focus on more original stuff
If you keep doing what you’re doing, I’d say you’re stuck
Because I’m sorry bro, but your band totally sucks
I tried waiting it out, hanging by the bar
I faked a phone call and sat in my car
I tried finding some small thing I could take away
But the obvious fact is that you just cannot play
You’re in it for the wrong reasons, your perceptions are jaded
You choke conversations with ‘when I’ve finally made it’
Your compromises and pain, are real I’ll agree,
But your statements are weak and hard to believe
Your riffs are contrived, your sound too complicated,
Your pedal board won’t satisfy that hole you’ve created
Yes, your technique shows you’ve been playing a while
but somewhere along the line you forgot to add your own style
So if you want to know the answers
You don’t have stand there perplexed
Just hand me my pick
I’m on next.
